Sedated | #AtoZChallenge

When the numbness takes over, I find myself sitting in room after room with only clocks for company.

I never think about it, but I never let myself forget.

We died. We are no more. We went up in flames.

Never you. We.

It hurts less that way.

It tears me up from within and turns me inside out.

But it hurts less that way.

 


 

Hi everyone! I’m working on a minimalist fiction project for this year’s #AtoZChallenge. The story will be shared in snippets, and the events occur non-sequentially. It is for the reader to interpret and form the “whole”. You can read all the posts here. Join me, and do share links to your AtoZ posts as well!

S

Alternative titles: Anesthetize. I also considered Stay High, but it’s a different genre and doesn’t fit in with the theme.

Reminder | #AtoZChallenge

I had been pronouncing my name wrong for so long, I forgot what my mother had named me. It’s a confusing, twisted name that people paused before reading aloud. The kind of name they always asked to repeat. I got so tired of it that I altered it slightly, so that their tongues found it easier to roll around it.

You said it right the very first time. You asked me if that is, in fact, the right way to say it. I heard the hesitation in your voice, perhaps anticipating a retort, a reprimand.

And just like that, you shifted something in the air. You reminded me what I had forgotten – my own name. Like my name was a secret that only you and I could get right.


Hi everyone! I’m working on a minimalist fiction project for this year’s #AtoZChallenge. The story will be shared in snippets, and the events occur non-sequentially. It is for the reader to interpret and form the “whole”. You can read all the posts here. Join me, and do share links to your AtoZ posts as well!

R

Alternative titles: Radiant Eclipse, Roots.

Quiet Distress | #AtoZChallenge

“I cannot believe I told you that. Any of that. I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry.”

The lights on the dashboard were still hazy around the edges, too sharp in the centre. But I was not as lightheaded now, which meant I was awash with regret and embarrassment at having shared so much about myself with someone I barely knew, someone I only texted once in a while, and sometimes shared a few drinks with after work.

About the side I kept hidden. The other face. The uncovered one.

“It’s all right. I had no idea.”

That quiet pity in your voice stung. I didn’t need it. I said so.

“It’s not pity,” you said, “I’m angry. Angry that you had to go through all of this alone. Have you ever talked to anyone about this?”

My hand was already yanking the car door open, “I should go. This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have burdened you.” My house wasn’t too far. I was tired and dizzy, but I could walk. Or so I thought.

“Don’t worry about it. This conversation never happened, if it makes you feel better.”

You started the car again. Why had we stopped in the first place? I can no longer remember. I was quiet after that. We weren’t close and now you knew more about me than those who were. Strange how things change. In a day.

We were at my gate when you asked me to stay for one more song. “Another time.” I said as I stepped out.


Hi everyone! I’m working on a minimalist fiction project for this year’s #AtoZChallenge. The story will be shared in snippets, and the events occur non-sequentially. It is for the reader to interpret and form the “whole”. You can read all the posts here. Join me, and do share links to your AtoZ posts as well!

Q

Paradise | #AtoZChallenge

It struck me, with something smaller but comparable to awe, every time I thought about the fact that we grew up in neighbouring towns. Towns that shared a border, and lay on one straight line on a two dimensional map.

It makes me wonder if there was ever a moment in time when I stared off into space, and so did you, and we were both on that line, sixty miles apart, looking at each other without even knowing it. Does the cosmos ever align itself to allow for such possibilities?

Had we known, would you have walked towards me? Would I have walked towards you? Would we have found each other sooner?

Or were we biding our time in our own purgatories, going through what we did, separately, so as to finally find each other, far, far away from both those towns?


Hi everyone! I’m working on a minimalist fiction project for this year’s #AtoZChallenge. The story will be shared in snippets, and the events occur non-sequentially. It is for the reader to interpret and form the “whole”. You can read all the posts here. Join me, and do share links to your AtoZ posts as well!

P

Once Upon a Playground Rainy | #AtoZChallenge

What does it take, I muse, for someone as detached as me to fall in love? 

The way you always make breakfast, even when I’d tell you to sleep in.
The way you stealthily click a photograph on Sunday mornings, with my hair in a messy bun and crusts of sleep still around my eyes.
The way you sometimes look at me when I’m standing at the checkout counter at the store. The  way you peek at the girl behind me thinking I wouldn’t notice (Oh, I notice everything!)
The way your face looks concerned and amused at the same time when I wobble unsteadily after I sit for too long, causing my legs to fall asleep.
The way your sentences are peppered with certain words pronounced just a wee bit differently, and how those words entered my own sentences that same way.
The way our eyes have the same downward slant, and the way my fingers link with yours, like they were moulded together some ancient lifetimes ago.

In a moment, dusk turned to night, and in another, the first stars of the evening disappeared behind storm clouds and lightning. The last of the people left, rushing to find a shelter from the rain. You asked, “Home or stay?”

“Stay,” I replied.

So we stayed. And we got thoroughly drenched in the way that you loved.


Hi everyone! I’m working on a minimalist fiction project for this year’s #AtoZChallenge. The story will be shared in snippets, and the events occur non-sequentially. It is for the reader to interpret and form the “whole”. You can read all the posts here. Join me, and do share links to your AtoZ posts as well!

O

Someday I’ll write an AtoZ series using only POTF songs as titles. It will be mine and Marko Saaresto’s epic love story 😛 ❤ (If you follow me on Instagram, yes, this is what I was day-dreaming about last week.)

New Day | #AtoZChallenge

Engulfed. That’s how I felt during those first few days. By the toxic fumes of what was left of us.

I’d go to sleep with my breath and unshed tears getting caught in my chest like a tumor.
I’d wake up and you’d be my first thought even before my eyes opened to face the dawn, and the pain would press down on me like I was drowning.

I couldn’t throw my thoughts into a suitcase and throw them away like I did with so many of my things when I couldn’t bear to see them.

The ticket stubsA receipt from that one time we got matching toothbrushes. The sunglasses I bought because you recommended them.

Sunshine. How do you escape sunshine?
Do you know it falls differently during different times of the day? It’s golden yellow around 2 PM, bends around buildings, and alters your shadow. After what happened, the 2 PM sun turned into an enemy I couldn’t bear to look at, one that reminded me of all the times we met at that time, one that made me angry, one that made me scream.

Everything made me scream.

There were days I wished I could scream with more than just my throat and lungs. I wished I could scream with my hands and the tips of my toes. I wished my skin could scream and shed and erase every last trace of you. I wished I could stop wanting to see you at every corner I turned in the street. I wished I didn’t break down in to tears all the time when I thought of you. I wished the day turned to night at 2 PM and I didn’t have to face that shade of gold that carried your name. I wished my heart would just explode and kill me, instead of letting me carry on and suffer.

I wished I wished I wished.

Then one day you weren’t my last thought before falling asleep. Another day, you weren’t the first when I woke up. The sun was still my enemy, the tears still came uninvited. And yet, with each new day, it hurt a little less and a little less.

I was guilty that I didn’t think of you that often.
I was relieved that I didn’t think of you that often.

It hasn’t stopped hurting. It may never stop hurting, and on days like this when I write about it, it returns like that first day.

But time goes on, and blood eventually stops burning.


Hi everyone! I’m working on a minimalist fiction project for this year’s #AtoZChallenge. The story will be shared in snippets, and the events occur non-sequentially. It is for the reader to interpret and form the “whole”. You can read all the posts here. Join me, and do share links to your AtoZ posts as well!

N

Make This Go On Forever | #AtoZChallenge

It’s on nights like these. When dinner’s accompanied by laughter and wine. When I’m the one laughing the loudest, and sharing the most number of stories. When they tell me all eyes are on me. When I know all eyes are on me.

It’s on nights like these that I force myself to remember. To hold on with the last broken string. To never let go of what’s already gone.

Self-destruction comes on so many wings. It enters through that brief moment of silence.

In little ways I remind myself you’re gone.
In little ways I keep you alive in me.

 


Hi everyone! I’m working on a minimalist fiction project for this year’s #AtoZChallenge. The story will be shared in snippets, and the events occur non-sequentially. It is for the reader to interpret and form the “whole”. You can read all the posts here. Join me, and do share links to your AtoZ posts as well!

M

This post was originally titled My Immortal but I heard this song yesterday and knew no other song could be more apt for this series than this one. The lyrics gave me goosebumps!