It was a crowded dance floor, The lights were turned low. There were ribbons of fireflies in all colors, Casting neon glows. There were over a hundred men and women, Letting go of their worries then. No sound save for the loud music, Could be heard in that loud den.
And in that chaos where our troubles went to sleep, I caught him looking at me I do not know what it meant I don’t think his expression I could read. I stepped off the dance floor I stepped away from the noise and the chaos And sure as I knew I would, Searching for me he was!
He caught me staring back, Asked me why I wouldn’t dance. There were butterflies in my stomach. I could feel the stopping of the clock’s hands.
I hated it that out of nowhere he came in, And began crushing the defenses around my heart, that I had taken years to build.
I hated it that while every carefully constructed defense is crumbling, I am letting him into my heart, bit by a little bit…
And I hated it too when I realized… That I was secretly waiting for that last wall to come crashing down!
After I posted The Backstabber, I got flooded with questions – oh, who am I kidding! – the two or three people who read it, asked me about my thoughts on pre-marital sex. I write fifty posts about love and relationships and no one bats an eye. I write one post which, with a lot of subtlety, alludes to a so-called “sensitive issue” and everyone two-three people get really curious!
Image courtesy: Google (like, where else would I get this!)
Why is this (only this) being blown out of proportion? Is a (really thin) tissue really worth so much discussion? Why should what someone does in their own time become a subject of tea-time gossip or a weapon of mass-future-blackmail (I know what you did last summer. Play your cards right or I’ll tell your mother)? Some truly bizarre instances that I have come across: 1) Boy meets girl – falls truly, madly, deeply in love with her (apparently) – comes to know girl had a boyfriend in the past – rushes girl to hospital to find out the status of her hymen (yo’ love as thin as a tissue eh, bro? (literally)). 2) The well-known Khushboo controversy – crazy fans build temple for mere mortal because she looks “hot” on screen – mortal says “No educated man should expect his wife to be a virgin” – crazy fans turn deranged and destroy aforementioned temple. (Idiots, she made more sense when she made that statement than when the lot of you built that temple) 3) Random Indian dude claims to have slept with multiple women – but will marry only a virgin from his gaon selected by mummy dearest, because he cannot be with a “used piece” (in such instances, “Dude, what the f***!” sounds like a gross understatement) Why does it become a viable character-assassination chapter when a girl gives into her instincts? Why isn’t a guy even questioned in these matters? There are situations in which you can’t be right or wrong. You just be. If you want to be goody-two-shoes about it, it’s fine. If you want to give in, what is wrong, I ask you! And why is it that majority of Indian men think that the presence of the hymen is the ultimate test of your wife/girlfriend’s “purity”? I hate to be the one breaking it to you – but a hymen can not break when you’re ill or active in sports. Also, if she wanted to deceive you or something, it is easily replaceable. How ignorant of these facts are you? That’s another thing that annoys me. What’s with all the purity/impurity nonsense? What, are you buying groceries from a store? Checking if daal has something kaala in it? I once received a forwarded sms, which had pink undertones of “Aww, so sugary sweet”; but like all things too sugary and sweet, it simply made me nauseated. It went like this, “Every guy wishes he is his girlfriend’s first love and every girl wishes she is her boyfriend’s last love.” This line was followed by a bunch of “less-than-3″s and blushing smileys. Yes, definitely I would wish to be my man’s last (that’s stating the obvious), but what sort of a narrow-minded, insecure guy would beg to be a girl’s first and only? Are you afraid that she would keep comparing you with someone else, and someone else would get more marks? You think she might dominate you (explain this to me, how is a woman with a “past” more dominating? I have heard this statement from some guys, but sounded senseless)? Or is the thought too scary that she might teach you a thing or two (in life, in bed, whatever)? Your male ego can’t stand being taught things “by a girl”? Is that why you behave illiterate despite being educated, because most of your teachers were women and you refused to be taught anything?
As an IT professional working with clients from abroad, I often get included on congratulatory mail chains when my counterparts deliver babies or celebrate other happy occasions. Once, one of my counterparts happily announced that his girlfriend had recently delivered their second child. Congratulations followed. A bunch of scandalized Indians sat and stared at the emails wondering “Girlfriend? Haaye haaye! Not married and bachcha paida kar diya?!” We are talking about a bunch of educated (and yet, scandalized) IT professionals here. In my opinion, a man who loves his girlfriend and has a child with her is any day much better than a man who followed “customs” and “traditions” and married a “pure” ghee girl of his parents’ choice and gave them grandchildren before the first year was out. In all possibility, he has not even properly seen the face of the girl he married; if mummy-dearest said, “Son, I want to hear the sound of tiny feet,” then sonny dear probably got down to business, and the face of his wife is probably not what he was looking at! I should probably end this rant, though I have so much more to say on this subject. But the whole bunch of Indian men who call women derogatory things like “used pieces” should know – dears, you’re entitled to your deranged, perverted, narrow-minded, sick opinions, but if you can flaunt a past with fifteen girlfriends (real or imagined), just to be called a stud in your social circle, then you have no right to judge a girl who has loved (but, possibly and sadly lost) a guy or two in her past. You may be a stud (good for you, man!), but she is NOT a slut! Brickbats welcomed below!
Copyright Petrichor and Clouds 2015 at petrichorandclouds.blogspot.com
Please do not reproduce the material published here.
This was a difficult topic for me to explore. I know that once I post this, several people will disagree with me. It’s natural. Last week, a friend of mine who was in a bit of a dilemma approached me and asked me a question, “Can a person be in love with two different people at the same time?”
I knew what she was going through (sort of) and I knew what brought her to ask this question. She was thinking of the future. I needed some time to think about this. Idealists and moralists would tell you how wrong the question is and how you should not think of such treacherous things. But who wrote down ideals and morals? How do they know what is right? And isn’t there a difference between right and truth. Truth is what makes you free. In some cases, happy. But truth may not be what is right (here, I mean “right” in a moral sense). Pondering over my friend’s question put me in a bit of a tight spot. My friends have often asked me these kind of “righteously confusing” questions (because unless you’re a murderer or a rapist or a criminal of any sort, I try not to judge anyone; everyone has their reasons and I have no right to judge them). I normally do not answer them directly, but pose a question to them. If they can answer it, they can draw their own conclusions. But in this case, I could not think of a suitable question. But then, I remembered something. A couple of months ago, I had been re-reading Brida. I had been reading it to find some answers to some of my own questions (completely unrelated to my friend’s). But I recalled a chapter in the book where Brida asks the same question to her mother. “Can you love two people at the same time?” Her mother had answered in the affirmative, and gone to explain in a very beautiful way how she had met a stranger and she had a conversation with him. That day she knew she loved two people at the same time – the stranger and her husband.
So I told my friend that it is all about what you feel in that moment. If in a moment you love two people, then yes, it is possible. She was disappointed with my response. Perhaps, she wanted me to advice her or tell her what she was doing was wrong or whatever. She said, “No, you can’t be in love with two people at the same time.” I said you can. I explained to her it was all about the moment. I told her it was nothing to do with right and wrong. It is just about what you think in that moment. Once the moment passes, and you did not explore what you set to explore, you might regret it for the rest of your life. Better to regret what you did, than what you did not have the courage to try.
She did not accept my explanation. Finally I agreed to disagree. I did not base this solely on what I had read. But I truly believe that in a moment, it is possible. You do not have to think what comes after the moment. Because once the moment passes, you will choose what is right for you (re-iterating, there is a difference between what is “right” and what is “right for you“). Once the moment passes, you will choose and you will choose wisely. But during the moment, it is perfectly possible for you to be in love with two people at the same time.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, there will be many who will disagree with me. There will be more questions springing from my answer to this one. But that’s alright. We are seasoned to believe some things are right and some things are wrong and all of us are entitled to our opinions. Meanwhile, here are some quotes from Brida that I really liked:
“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”
“Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle.”
“Choosing a path meant having to miss out on others.”
“Don’t bother trying to explain your emotions. Live everything as intensely as you can.”
I saw an entire booklet of Sodexo coupons lying under my seat this morning on the bus. Entire. Unused. Booklet.
Of late, I have been noticing that my own Sodexo coupons seem to magically vanish. I do not recollect eating huge amounts of food (no, I really don’t!) and yet, I am out of coupons by the middle of the month. Seeing the booklet, just innocently sitting there waiting to be picked up made me feel I shouldn’t disappoint it by not picking it up. So I did. The bus was empty at the time. So there was a) no one it could belong to, b) no one who would see me pick it up. I could just slowly slip it into my bag. I’ll be richer by about 1000 bucks. I momentarily dreamt about ordering pizza everyday, till my new booklet is just an empty front and back cover. I could give little treats to my colleagues.
Temptation is a sweet, sweet devil. No one would know.
And in that thought of “Except me” I gave up on all the delicious (yum!) dreams that Lady Temptation allowed me. I kept the booklet in my hand. Up for all to see. While I was about to get down, I handed the booklet to the bus driver. He looked very confused. Forgot to even beam up at me (of course, I was expecting a big grin!) But he took it eventually. I alighted.
I heard a couple of people sniggering behind me (I had earphones plugged in, but I had turned off the music). They said (to each other) I was a fool to not keep the booklet for myself. Yeah, perhaps in their eyes I was a fool. And yeah, I have often considered myself to be underpaid 😛 But I have not yet reached a “Beg, Borrow, Steal” stage. When/If I do, I sure hope there are some booklets lying around 😉 😉 😉
Other instances where I have surprisingly found money (abandoned or otherwise):
While walking on Pune’s MG Road one evening, a couple of years ago, I found 200 bucks on the road. I gave in to temptation that day. I got a royal scolding from my mother, who is strictly against picking up fallen money off the streets.
I wore an old pair of jeans to office on a Friday. Suddenly found Rs. 5 in one of the pockets! It looked crumpled like crazy, probably cos I had washed the jeans with the money still in the pockets. But it was still good money. That was the only time I felt 5 bucks could make me feel like a lottery-winner!
Copyright Petrichor and Clouds 2015 at petrichorandclouds.blogspot.com
Please do not reproduce the material published here.