Don’t Stop Speaking

petrichor-and-clouds-dont-stop-speaking

Don’t stop speaking.

You have a way of peering into me, as if your gaze does not merely cross the pretend barrier my glasses have built, but also sees right through me. It scares me every time you stop speaking that you’ve seen something that displeases you. That you’ve finally seen through a lie, a facade, something whose existence I can’t verify, nor truly deny. Or that you’ve seen me for who I really am, and I don’t know if that’s someone worthy of you.

When you stop speaking, I’m afraid a day may come when we have nothing left to say. And then you will walk away. It does not seem like something I can easily take. And so selfishly, I protect my own self, I guard against an ache.

In the silent hours of the night, I wonder what you dream of, and I wonder if you will tell me when you wake. I watch the way you breathe, rest a finger on the rise and fall of your chest, feel your heartbeat under the whorls at the tip. Do you ever wake up and watch me sleep?

Hold my hand before you leave, to reassure me. The sun rises and you leave my side, taking with you, your words, your touch, the sound of your footsteps. My thoughts trouble me, asking me where you spend your time, or if there is mischief that you hide. My heart refuses to believe it, but I wish you’d never stop speaking. Never leave me in this prison of solitude.

Tell me the big things, and the small. Tell me what you fear and what you crave. Tell me about food, or crack jokes, crass and crude. Your voice, silken, a work of art I cannot get enough of. Do not deny me this pleasure, for there are few things I want as much. I want this without missing a pause, for if someday we run out of things to say, it is the memory of your voice that’ll sustain me – a part of history binding us in its vibrations, returning to the present like a long lost echo.


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3 thoughts on “Don’t Stop Speaking

  1. shanayatales July 30, 2017 / 4:36 AM

    Loved this. And as much as I don’t want to admit it, I could relate to this post on a certain level. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I know that it’s complicated.

    Like

  2. Soumya Prasad July 31, 2017 / 6:18 PM

    No matter what happens, talk. That is the sole rule Cal and I have in our relationship. Because of you can’t talk to each other then there is no point being together.

    This post is written so damn beautifully. So poetic, so full of love and longing. That’s the beauty of all your posts.

    Like

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