A Mid Year Review of the 2017 Plan

In the month of April, I was involved in a minor accident, that resulted in a knee injury and a badly cracked phone screen. It was an oddly proud moment for me.

I see you going, “Huh?” Allow me to explain.

Growing up, I didn’t fall down much. I had one big fall in ’92 (hurt my nose, shin, and foot), and another big fall in ’07 (fractured my elbow). Smaller, forgettable injuries may have taken place, who knows? This injury-free childhood and adolescence is a result of a life lived with extreme caution. When you live over-cautiously, you rarely make mistakes. Nothing, of course, is a bigger mistake than not ever making mistakes.

By this, I mean actions you perform out of your own volition. There were plenty of things that happened to me that I see as mistakes, but ones that I always found someone else to pin the blame on. There’s only so much anger and resentment you can live with before you start suspecting if you’ve developed a victim complex or if you’re simply so unlucky that you’re always at the wrong place at the wrong time. Both of these explanations were unacceptable to me. I had reached my threshold.

The accident I mentioned happened on a trip I took. I’ve written in multiple birthday-resolution posts about how I pine to take trips but life does not allow me to. Taking off on my own was a big deal for me. Getting injured, therefore, was an indication of reduced caution. Reduced caution was an indication of being open to more risks, being open to finally making mistakes. Being open to finally learning from them. Being open to finally taking ownership of my life. There is something so liberating about being to look in the mirror and say, “I am the reason I’ve hurt my knee and broken my phone. Me. No one else, but me.”

I started this year with some major stocktaking and a desire to go back to the root of what caused my depression and fix it. I even decided to document my journey, with the hope that it may benefit someone. What I didn’t mention (explicitly) was I had decided to go back to college to earn a Master’s degree – that had been my big plan at the start of the year. That didn’t work out (for this year) because the Uni I really wanted to go to rejected my application, and my second choice, where I got accepted, was asking for the kind of tuition I couldn’t afford even with student loans.

I have a tattoo on my right wrist – a tribute to two books I like – that, roughly translated, means to accept whatever happens in life because it has all been written beforehand. A rather fatalistic view that, at the beginning of this year, I forced myself to reject and take action to affect the outcome that I wanted. It is true that I once believed in fatalism (hence the tattoo). But such a world view makes us complacent. You wade through life, accepting your lot, believing, hey, this is all predetermined anyway. 

For this reason, I’m glad that I did something this year: applied to college, returned to writing, took three trips (so far), became more accepting of things I cannot change, and more that I will speak about when the time is right. Whatever the result may have been, I can’t say I sat idly by, watching life unfold. From here on, whatever mistakes I make will be my own, and my scars will make me as proud as my accomplishments will.

While I’m no longer the kind of fatalist I started out as, I do still believe there’s a plan in the cosmic scheme of things that we cannot see. However, that is no reason for us to be lazy. Good things come to those who, instead of waiting for miracles to happen, get off their asses and make miracles happen.


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6 thoughts on “A Mid Year Review of the 2017 Plan

  1. shanayatales June 14, 2017 / 9:36 PM

    I can’t tell you how much I loved reading this, Sreesha. I mean, I am sorry you hurt your knee, but I remember you and your posts before 2017. I remember wishing things got better for you. As I could empathize, because back then, I was struggling through a lot of crap myself.

    Which is why, I know how liberating acceptance can be. When I decided to take full responsibility for everything that happened to me or rather how I reacted to things that happened to me, I could see a positive change in the situations themselves (or it was possibly just my changed attitude?)

    So I am glad 2017 has been just the new beginning you needed. I wish that you achieve all your goals & dreams.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran June 21, 2017 / 1:29 PM

      I remember your constant encouragement, and I’m so grateful for that. It could be the changed attitude, but I’ve also noticed if you want something, really want it, and take a small step towards achieving it, then things seem to miraculously align themselves in your favor. I don’t know if this is something that has always happened and I just didn’t take notice, or if the tiny steps that I did take is giving me the rewards, but it’s all good so far! 🙂
      I’m glad positive things are happening with you too. Three cheers to us!

      Like

    • Sreesha Divakaran June 21, 2017 / 1:30 PM

      Oh yes, I have two more planned. I’d like to plan more, but I’m being held back by work, so have to plan carefully around it.

      Like

    • Sreesha Divakaran June 21, 2017 / 1:31 PM

      Thank you! Wish you all the luck and positivity as well 🙂

      Like

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