New Day | #AtoZChallenge

Engulfed. That’s how I felt during those first few days. By the toxic fumes of what was left of us.

I’d go to sleep with my breath and unshed tears getting caught in my chest like a tumor.
I’d wake up and you’d be my first thought even before my eyes opened to face the dawn, and the pain would press down on me like I was drowning.

I couldn’t throw my thoughts into a suitcase and throw them away like I did with so many of my things when I couldn’t bear to see them.

The ticket stubsA receipt from that one time we got matching toothbrushes. The sunglasses I bought because you recommended them.

Sunshine. How do you escape sunshine?
Do you know it falls differently during different times of the day? It’s golden yellow around 2 PM, bends around buildings, and alters your shadow. After what happened, the 2 PM sun turned into an enemy I couldn’t bear to look at, one that reminded me of all the times we met at that time, one that made me angry, one that made me scream.

Everything made me scream.

There were days I wished I could scream with more than just my throat and lungs. I wished I could scream with my hands and the tips of my toes. I wished my skin could scream and shed and erase every last trace of you. I wished I could stop wanting to see you at every corner I turned in the street. I wished I didn’t break down in to tears all the time when I thought of you. I wished the day turned to night at 2 PM and I didn’t have to face that shade of gold that carried your name. I wished my heart would just explode and kill me, instead of letting me carry on and suffer.

I wished I wished I wished.

Then one day you weren’t my last thought before falling asleep. Another day, you weren’t the first when I woke up. The sun was still my enemy, the tears still came uninvited. And yet, with each new day, it hurt a little less and a little less.

I was guilty that I didn’t think of you that often.
I was relieved that I didn’t think of you that often.

It hasn’t stopped hurting. It may never stop hurting, and on days like this when I write about it, it returns like that first day.

But time goes on, and blood eventually stops burning.


Hi everyone! I’m working on a minimalist fiction project for this year’s #AtoZChallenge. The story will be shared in snippets, and the events occur non-sequentially. It is for the reader to interpret and form the “whole”. You can read all the posts here. Join me, and do share links to your AtoZ posts as well!

N

Advertisements

58 thoughts on “New Day | #AtoZChallenge

  1. Vidya Sury April 17, 2017 / 11:12 AM

    Whether one admits it or not, Time does her job…or tries her best-est. As much as one hates the missing, the guilt that follows over not feeling those things is equally acidic. But what goes down must bounce back up…and if Life is not a ballgame, I don’t know what is.

    Love and hugs, and wishing you a grand week ahead, Sreesha. Thank you for having the post up early so I can start my day reading your post (and feeling guilty about not having mine up!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 8:24 AM

      Life is a ballgame – I liked that metaphor.

      Hey, yours is always the first blog I start my daily hopping with! (You can thank Shai’s spreadsheet for that 😀 )

      Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Tina Basu April 17, 2017 / 12:04 PM

    Time always works it’s wonders

    Liked by 1 person

  3. upasna1987 April 17, 2017 / 2:14 PM

    The pain of separation…It hurts. Lovely read.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. sanchwrites April 17, 2017 / 3:13 PM

    Can I first just say Ohmygawd!!! You have Karnivool as the theme song for this! I absolutely love them and am a tad obsessed with Kenny. And I love New Day!

    On to your story {now that I have contained myself} — it’s beautiful as always. The pain of heartbreak when the reminders are always there — it is hard but as cliched as it sounds, time does heal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 8:28 AM

      I love them as well!!! I can listen to New Day on loop for hours! ❤ ❤ ❤ I knew at the start of this year's A to Z that I wanted this song for the letter N.

      Time definitely tries 🙂 And yes, sometimes heals as well..

      Like

  5. Lata Sunil April 17, 2017 / 3:31 PM

    The last few lines has described the breakup beautifully. Loved this.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. reemamichelle April 17, 2017 / 3:53 PM

    Time does heal but it is difficult to forget. There are those tiny things that will bring back memories. Loved the way you have described the emotions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 8:31 AM

      Those tiny things are the worst. Things you can’t help.

      Glad you liked it, Reema! 🙂

      Like

  7. Neha April 17, 2017 / 6:05 PM

    Loved the emotions. Yes, time does heal, but memories are a different story
    Nasty

    Liked by 1 person

  8. inquisitivegeet April 17, 2017 / 6:21 PM

    Ah! The days that follow after the painful break-up! But then, time sure heals all the wounds and yet can never vanish away the scars!

    Cheers
    BoisterousBee

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 8:36 AM

      The scars remain, for as long as you let them… 🙂

      Like

  9. Shilpa Garg April 17, 2017 / 6:38 PM

    Yes, time is the best healer. But breakups are the hardest to deal with.
    Love the way you have expressed her feelings and emotions. Way to go, Sreesha!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Mayuri Nidigallu April 17, 2017 / 6:59 PM

    I could feel the pain of the character, your words are that powerful . I always love how you end each post with a flourish.
    I’m hooked!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Shailaja V April 17, 2017 / 7:08 PM

    The sheer beauty and raw pain in this piece was so overwhelming. I can’t say anything that will do justice to the depth of feeling here. Just…wonderful, Sreesha.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Soumya (@soumyaprasad) April 17, 2017 / 7:30 PM

    How do you come up with such beautiful lines every single time?

    You know initially even I used to feel guilty about not thinking about a certain someone often. But isn’t that what “getting over” means?

    Someday the blood might stop burning, but the fire shall never die. Sadly.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 8:55 AM

      It is, and getting over is definitely the healthier alternative to moping and pining!

      You should read this poem by Kat Savage that begins with the line “I’m not an emptier”. It captures the essence of this thought.

      Like

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 8:56 AM

      Thank you, Shalini 🙂
      The pain dulls after a while, and then you stop noticing it, I guess…

      Like

  13. lifestyleproblog April 17, 2017 / 8:46 PM

    Such brilliant description of heartbreak! This has to be your best post of the series…. I am lost in that pain… you have a gift girl!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 8:58 AM

      Thank you so much, Ankita 🙂 I think this along with Epiphany are my two personal favorites in this series as well

      Liked by 1 person

  14. shanayatales April 17, 2017 / 11:35 PM

    You are as articulate as ever. So very beautifully expressed. This has me intrigued to read the other parts of this micro-fiction project. Headed over now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shanayatales April 17, 2017 / 11:36 PM

      Oops, I meant minimalist-fiction project*

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Modern Gypsy April 17, 2017 / 11:49 PM

    Time does heal all wounds. But this one just seems so visceral and deep. Sigh. No more parts of this story left to devour. I shall just have to wait patiently until tomorrow!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Louise April 18, 2017 / 1:38 AM

    Oh – this one rang true. So powerfully written and capturing that end of relationship emptiness. I found myself remembering that feeling from a long time past in my life. Such good writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 9:33 AM

      Thank you, Louise. It was a bit hard for me to write this, in fact. But more on that later 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Parul Thakur April 18, 2017 / 7:29 AM

    So beautiful and yet so painful. Beautiful words Sreesha. I think time just helps us move forward. The healing comes from the fact that people need to keep going on

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Dr Roshan R (@pythoroshan) April 18, 2017 / 7:35 AM

    damn. Either you publish this stuff you write or I am gonna copy=paste you and pretend its my masterpiece. Remember, I will be the one getting the awards and waving to my crowd of adoring fans then!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 9:35 AM

      You know, Rosh, whether you’re pulling my leg or not here, I’m actually considering it now – the bit about publishing it, I mean. .. Will keep you posted 🙂

      Like

  19. Rajlakshmi April 18, 2017 / 2:12 PM

    Omg…. This is so intense… Dark and yet so beautiful… Because I am in love your words… So powerful and expressive. That last line about blood burning… God promise I am fidaaaaa…

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Kaddu April 19, 2017 / 11:18 AM

    “I couldn’t throw my thoughts into a suitcase and throw them away”
    Been there. Experienced that. And wished someday I could get detached enough to write about it. Haven’t reached that point yet. And on days like this when I READ about it, it returns like that first day.
    I agree with Doc, you should publish this. You have expressed all the emotions so perfectly.
    Btw, I’m lagging behind even more. But will catch up. Do visit my N post.
    Happy AtoZing!
    Chicky @ http://www.mysteriouskaddu.com

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 20, 2017 / 8:00 AM

      Aw Chicky, hugs! We’ll all sit around a bonfire one day and see if we get detached enough to talk about all of it 🙂

      Thank you, I’m warming up to the idea. Haven’t really decided though.

      Yup, read it the day you posted it 🙂

      Like

  21. Anmol Rawat April 20, 2017 / 11:01 PM

    How are you managing to churn up these emotions? I mean, you said you are not into romance and then I read what you write and feel like I am reading something written by a pro author.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Mithila Menezes April 21, 2017 / 7:40 PM

    Catching up on blog reading for #AtoZ, and the first blog I wanted to read was yours (because I can’t wait to piece together all the posts like a perfect jigsaw puzzle 😀 )

    I loved the emotional rawness of this post. I am going to look at the sunshine at 2 pm a bit differently from today onwards 🙈

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 24, 2017 / 9:43 AM

      I wonder how your jigsaw is coming along! I’m really looking forward to seeing it.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Mithila Menezes April 24, 2017 / 6:56 PM

      I figured out the logic behind the order of the posts 😉

      Like

  23. swathishenoy April 23, 2017 / 7:10 AM

    Memories!! They can be both Friends and enemies! How hard it is to get over the person you loved so much! You have described her pain so well.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s