Often, I can accurately remember which year a particular event occurred, and if my brain’s feeling particularly sharp, even which month. An annoying habit that I can’t help. Or useful, if that’s what you’re going for.
It’s easy when every year has an identifier. A highlight. In childhood, it was the year I learnt to sing or the year I learnt the alphabet.
It’s when the years blur into one that my mind refuses to tell the timelines apart. Did the trip to the beach happen this year or the one before? Did Kate’s wedding take place two years ago or four?
You could say I’m on a train, one of those super-fast ones, and I’m sitting in my sea of calm. The scenery and the landscape constantly change, but I don’t move. And somewhere, many miles later, it dawns on me, the knowledge of lost time. The wasted moments.
Has it been like that for you?
I wake up to a text from you. All those lost days, all that time, all of it, comes crashing down to the tips of my fingers in one instant. In my haste, I’m unsure of what comes pouring out – so much of what I’d held back during these blurred timelines. The long lonely months dissolve, as I’m back in the moment where we were, where the nightmares hadn’t begun. I expect the same from you.
I learn it hasn’t been like that for you at all. I try to recollect, once again, how much time has passed. It seems longer and shorter when time is a dull band. When you want to count time by moments and can’t recollect any – time seems to have rushed past you, and at the same time it hasn’t moved at all. I think of the moving train again, how I absentmindedly noted day changing to night. Flashes of grey stars behind night-lacquered leaves make fleeting appearances in my mind.
I have been still this whole time. The world has been moving on.
And you have turned into someone I don’t recognize anymore.
Hi everyone! I’m working on a minimalist fiction project for this year’s #AtoZChallenge. The story will be shared in snippets, and the events occur non-sequentially. It is for the reader to interpret and form the “whole”. You can read all the posts here. Join me, and do share links to your AtoZ posts as well!
Alternative title I considered: Late Goodbye
A version of post was shared on my Instagram page a while back.