What I Learned From My Garden About Loss and New Beginnings

Some of my earliest memories are those of hiding in the little kitchen garden in our house. What I remember most vividly are the hibiscuses and the roses. Roses of that deep magenta color, the color of sirens and wine. Hibiscuses, I think there were red, pale pink, and peach. There were a whole lot of other plants that I can no longer recollect, but I remember they were all roughly as tall as I was, so the setup was, to me, quite a jungle! In all of my photographs from that era, I have two braids on either side with a rose pinned to each, and a neat bindi in the centre of my forehead – like the “good” south Indian girl my mother desperately wanted me to become. There was one particular photograph of me smiling away among the hibiscus pots; it was a particular favourite of mine, and is now with an old classmate who liked collecting childhood photographs of her friends. I wonder if she still has it.

This was while we were living in Goa. When I turned four, we moved to New Delhi, and I think the saddest part of that move for me was to lose my mini jungle. In our new flat, there was a balcony twice the size, but perhaps the loss of the old garden hit my mother hard, and she was not motivated enough to start a new one, knowing even this residence was temporary. Nevertheless, she planted a money-plant. A low maintenance little thing that you find everywhere, from office corridors to desks to nearly every Indian home. She put it in the corner of the balcony where it got a lot of light, and the rest of the balcony remained bare. Boring. Like a desert. Un-homey. Like New Delhi.

To this day, I hate money-plants.

Now that I’m all grown up and nearly the age my mother was when the events described above occurred, I decided to start a small garden of my own. I don’t know the first thing about gardening, and I would not have gone ahead at all, but at my last job, I had a lot (way too much) free time, and I stumbled upon a kitchen garden website. As I read, all those long ago memories, buried like shadows, resurfaced and I just wanted to do SOMETHING. I have three balconies, and they’re all bare, and they reflect the hot sun like steel and concrete. Like deserts. Like New Delhi.

I went to a nearby nursery and picked up two plants. My son made friends with the owner’s puppy and that’s a story in itself, but for another day. And bit by bit, I got one side of my balcony lined up. I have a creeper that grows on the grilles and the leaves are the richest shade of green I’ve ever seen.

Last week, one of my plants died without a warning. It seemed healthy the day before but was all wilted the next. That was the first plant in my care that died. The thud in my heart was painful, and strange as it may seem, but I’m sure I could see the cloud over my head. I did not have the heart to throw it out. I’m trying to revive it, but I don’t think it’s working.

Ever since I’ve set up the mini garden, the balcony is the first place I go to as soon as I return from work. I examine each of my plants, ask them how they’re doing, if it’s all good, if I could get them anything else, some water or a pair of scissors to prune them perhaps? Like a good waiter who wants a good tip. I see each new leaf, healthy, waxy, and so beautifully tiny come out the parent branch and each time I’m filled with renewed wonder. I spend several minutes just staring at them – too afraid to touch – like it’s a miracle happening right in front of my eyes.

On the day the plant died, in a neighboring pot, I saw a new shoot come up. I had planted seeds the week before, and I’ve heard from people that seeds you get in the market never germinate, which is why you should always go for saplings. I have to say I was shocked when I saw the shoot raise its head in the sun. It was so beautiful, so fragile.

And the day after, there were more shoots.

There is a certain joy that comes from seeing something that you least expected. Dramatic misty-eyed-ness aside, it’s the surprise that fills you up to the brim.

Yesterday it rained here in Bangalore, and the raindrops rested on the leaves of my creeper. I was mesmerized by it. It was like a love affair in itself – the stormy clouds, the heavy rain, and a gentle flutter of the leaves letting the raindrops rest on them.

I still don’t know much about gardening. I still haven’t gotten over the death of the plant. (Or even the loss of the mini garden from childhood, for that matter). But I talk to these plants, and sometimes, they smile back to me. They know I’m there, and I can feel it. And little by little, they grow like a wonder.



11 thoughts on “What I Learned From My Garden About Loss and New Beginnings

  1. Parul Thakur May 8, 2016 / 12:09 AM

    When I come from work, I also head to my balcony. And I check on all my plants. See how they are doing. I’ve always loved plants and my grandparents from both sides had garden and open spaces. I’ve climbed in trees and plucked guavas. All this was city life. My mum maintained a lot of plants and my brother and I were trained to water them and throw out the weeks, a bit of cutting and stuff.
    Here in Bangalore I have a very small balcony. How big can a one bhk accommodate? But plants – over 20 ๐Ÿ™‚ I love to see them grow and yes, death saddens me too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva May 16, 2016 / 11:46 PM

      My parents have a guava tree now – at home in Kerala. But I don’t think I would be climbing that now ๐Ÿ˜€ I grew up in cities and apartments, so did not have a lot of open space during my childhood. But there was this mulberry tree in my school that I climbed ๐Ÿ™‚ Pretty proud of that! ๐Ÿ˜›
      Yes, I am still growing it bit by bit. I had to be out of town for a few days last week, and I kept thinking how the plants were doing!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sid Balachandran May 8, 2016 / 8:31 PM

    Well..welll…what do you know….you learn something new everyday ๐Ÿ™‚
    Didn’t think you’d be into gardening. But yes, very important lessons there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva May 16, 2016 / 11:47 PM

      You know what, I didn’t know I’d be into it either! It was like I suddenly felt, why not. Not like I have a green thumb or anything, but I’m learning ๐Ÿ™‚


  3. Dashy May 8, 2016 / 11:12 PM

    I’ve seen my mother with the same loving smile when with her little garden (if the few pots of plants can be called a garden at all). At times she calls the whole family up to show us when a flower blooms, or when the climbers climb that extra mile. I haven’t yet been able to wholly engross in gardening like her, but I suppose it will happen soon when I too get a calm and quite free time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva May 16, 2016 / 11:48 PM

      Ah, the climbers are the best. They really give you a sense of accomplishment for some reason!
      Do share stories of your garden when you start one ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚


  4. Soumya Prasad May 10, 2016 / 12:01 PM

    You lived in Goa?? :O

    I hate money plants too! There is something very middle class about them that takes me back to really bad memories.

    I love plants and the say I moved out my husband and I bought home a lot of them. Around 20. Most of them were hibiscus of varied colors and they yielded a new flower everyday. We were so happy. We took care of our plants like our children and watered, pruned and spoke to them everyday. They were very important to us.

    And then one day, they all died. Yes ALL of them! I remember the eye, that was eyeing them when they visited us. And the next day, none of them were alive! I couldn’t bear to see it so we gave away all the pots and mud for free. We had invested close to 10 grand on this mini garden of ours and then it was all gone in just one day.

    Maybe it’s time I let go of these thoughts and start fresh. But somehow I’m unable to get this out of my system.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva May 16, 2016 / 11:49 PM

      Until I was 4; I remember very little ๐Ÿ˜›

      You gave off the pots and mud??? Dude!!! You could’ve bought seeds or new plants!
      No way to revive them, huh? Sad ๐Ÿ˜ฆ


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