Of Regrets In Love

You remember being young and reckless, never hurt, never believing you ever would be. You remember shouting out to summer winds and winter blizzards about having lived a life with no regrets. You know now that you were wrong. That you are only now learning what regrets truly are. And you’re learning what regrets are not.

You learn regret isn’t that pang caused by unannounced flashbacks to those one night stands that drenched you fibre by fibre in shame and guilt. They peel off.

Regret isn’t that one-sided love affair you, when you built a sculpture of someone who did not exist, except in your imagination. You put the sculpture on a pedestal so high that the sun hurt your eyes when you looked at it. Regret isn’t loving that someone. It isn’t not telling them how you feel. It isn’t telling them either.

Regret isn’t a missed chance – two people in love with each other on either ends of a timeline.

Regret isn’t being with the wrong person. There are no regrets in lessons you learn, no matter how long it took.

Regret isn’t even sleeping next to the one person in this world who makes you feel the loneliest every single night, even when their breathing patterns are as familiar to you as your own…

Regret is having to make yourself forget the world exists, day by day, second by grating second.

Regret is having to listen to the loudest music, so you can’t hear the pain of your bleeding heart.

Regret is getting a whiff of a familiar fragrance, and having to shut your eyes against the tears that threaten to spill.

Regret is burying yourself in a pile of books, just so you could shut reality out, live in a warm world of fantasy, where the dragons are real within the pages, and outside is something that momentarily stops being.

Regret is forcing yourself to think of the worst memories you had with that one person you miss every day, because sometimes happier memories threaten to appear like shooting stars across your dark thoughtscape. You cannot let that happen. You think. All the time. Even when you’re talking to people, you’re immersed. Elsewhere. Constantly thinking. You lose yourself in your own thoughts, because the din of the real world keeps rising like a tide, and you would do everything in your power to keep it down. You think, so that you don’t have to think.

Regret is wearing the truth like skin, that you had everything you wanted, but you chose to be a coward. That’s the skin does not shed. Like the cells that never regenerate. Truth, stuck to you like a migraine-causing odour.

Regret is knowing that happiness comes in small black boxes, like surprises that you least expect. And once you foolishly let go, it’s gone.

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23 thoughts on “Of Regrets In Love

  1. Sid Balachandran April 20, 2016 / 11:30 AM

    Why do we regret those when the decisions have been ours?
    I suppose as you said, there are no regrets if lessons have been learned 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva April 21, 2016 / 10:59 PM

      What is it that they say about hindsight being 20/20 🙂

      Like

  2. Lata Sunil April 22, 2016 / 8:49 AM

    Very well written. To answer Sid’s questions above, sometimes the realisation of an incorrect decision comes in very late .. and the regret is even more hurtful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva April 25, 2016 / 9:59 AM

      You can say that again!

      Thanks for reading, Lata. Glad you liked it! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Soumya Prasad April 22, 2016 / 12:54 PM

    Ah regrets! Something I choose not to have, but then we all have atleast one of it when it comes to love. Somehow regrets in love help us grow and understand reality better.

    Don’t you think?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva April 25, 2016 / 9:59 AM

      There are those that we learn from, and there are those that we wish we could somehow turn back time to correct! Sigh…

      Like

  4. Suzy Que April 22, 2016 / 2:38 PM

    Life is as it is meant to be and there are no wrong decisions. Why regret the past when the future awaits.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva April 25, 2016 / 10:00 AM

      True, that’s one way of looking at it. Thanks for reading, Suzy!

      Like

  5. Parul Thakur April 24, 2016 / 4:08 PM

    Regrets will always be there. But are we fixing things to not have more in future?? To me that would be important. Great piece of writing!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. mikeflow34 April 25, 2016 / 12:19 PM

    I really enjoyed this post. I especially loved the line, “…because sometimes happier memories threaten to appear like shooting stars across your dark thoughtscape.” Looking forward to reading more of your stuff in the future…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva May 16, 2016 / 11:41 PM

      Welcome to my blog! Glad you liked the piece 🙂 Thank you.

      Like

  7. shanayatales April 26, 2016 / 7:49 PM

    You are so very right. I don’t regret anything in my past – that is not to say I did not make dumb decisions – I did. But I learnt from them, those lessons played a big part in shaping the present me, and I am 100% happy with the present me, so why regret?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva May 16, 2016 / 11:42 PM

      Oh yes, our mistakes play a big part in shaping our present! 🙂

      Like

  8. jabe842 May 23, 2016 / 3:36 AM

    This piece was so good … it felt like a gift and an honour that you should share it. You are a FANTASTIC writer, and I’m thoroughly jealous 😉 x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Diva June 9, 2016 / 8:12 PM

      And you are one of my favourite writers, Roger *fangirling a bit to find you here* 🙂 🙂 🙂 Glad you liked the piece! Thank you.

      Like

  9. jabe842 June 13, 2016 / 3:25 AM

    Haha! Thank you! You already know I’m a fanboy of yours! Looking forward to reading much more from you 🙂

    Like

  10. Vidya Sury April 17, 2017 / 11:02 AM

    You may now officially call me your fangirl. Thank you for pointing me to this post. Imagine reading it exactly a year after you wrote it. Touched a raw nerve, man! Exquisitely written. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 9:41 AM

      A year! It feels like such a long time ago that I wrote this!

      So glad you liked it, Vidya! 🙂 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Aarti Krishnakumar (@talesfromaaroo) April 17, 2017 / 11:06 AM

    Good one… So darn true.. Which is why I firmly believe in “no regrets” policy in life.. unless it was based on a decision i was forced into [which are 1-2 only so far]

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sreesha Divakaran April 18, 2017 / 9:42 AM

      Oh yes, decisions I was forced to make also form a large chunk of my regrets.

      Thanks for reading, Aarti 🙂

      Like

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