Confrontation

People who have known me for a while (like, 48 hours) know that I hated the four years I spent in college. It destroyed (yes, and I am not even trying to be melodramatic) me in a way that I am traumatized simply thinking of the time I spent there. I never went back (for reunions etc.) and I tried not to keep in touch with anyone from college, barring one or two close friends.

It just so happened that recently, while on my way to a family function, I crossed the town where my college is located. I looked out the window from my bus when I saw boards and banners announcing I was in the dreadful town. Or the sleepy town that had dreadful memories associated with it.
I don’t know if any of you have felt a physical pain when confronting a particularly dark memory. But that is what I felt just then. I felt for a second that I was asphyxiating, dying. I have never felt any presence so strongly. It was almost evil and I could not explain it in words anyone would understand. In fact, even now, I do not know what came over me. It was a panic attack, hyperventilation, negative energies, paranormal- all rolled into one! 
I was at the edge of my seat till I crossed the town, and my heart continued to beat as fast as it could, like a little bird. Until then I had no idea that I was so traumatized by the mere memory of my college. Sure, I hated it and all, but this was physical pain and discomfort. 
After crossing the town, I felt a little calmed down. Then I began laughing, hysterically. I don’t even know why, and Mr. thought the heat was getting to me. It was not the heat. It was probably a nervous kind of relief, but I find it hard to put it in real words. 
The experience was almost supernatural. Like I was confronting ghosts from a long dead past. I am still a little unnerved by what happened. Has something like this ever happened to you? Can you explain it?


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16 thoughts on “Confrontation

  1. Anita February 2, 2015 / 7:40 PM

    I can only say that may we not have to do or be with all what we dislike. Hope we can avoid all what causes such panic situations!
    The past is over. But, the shadows still remain…
    Take care. Drink water & chill 🙂

    Like

  2. Abhijit Ray February 3, 2015 / 3:12 AM

    Certain things, events and places have an aura that perceptive people can feel. But there is no objective explanation. It is better to be away from them.

    Like

  3. Red Handed February 3, 2015 / 8:48 AM

    I dont know your story but I have had such bad and uninvited confrontations…Our behavior especially our inner turmoils are sometimes not within our control.

    Like

  4. Nisha February 3, 2015 / 10:08 AM

    Some memories are too strong and they do bring back the exact emotions at times. You will have to try and let go.. that's all I can say.

    Like

  5. Sreesha Divakaran February 3, 2015 / 6:27 PM

    Yes, Anita! As soon as the hysterical laughter began, I knew I had to do something. Drank a lot of water!!!

    Like

  6. Sreesha Divakaran February 3, 2015 / 6:28 PM

    Yup, I've been avoiding it since the past 6 years now. This was rather unexpected that my husband's relatives held a function in a nearby city.

    Like

  7. Sreesha Divakaran February 3, 2015 / 6:29 PM

    Yes, as far as possible, I am never gonna travel to that part of the country/state!

    Like

  8. Sreesha Divakaran February 3, 2015 / 6:32 PM

    Oh, my college story is – naive girl goes to strange land, gets surrounded by chauvinists (some of whom may have never seen a female (God knows I am being figurative, but still)) who invariably gossiped each night giving old wives a run for their money and that too with a story-telling caliber that bypasses the biggest mega serial producers of our time!

    Whew! Read that sentence reallllly fast, so you read it in my voice and rate of speech 😀

    Like

  9. Sreesha Divakaran February 3, 2015 / 6:33 PM

    This was more than an emotion. It was on a physical plane and that's what freaked me out!
    I thought I had let go… It's been 6 years, and I am older and wiser (so to speak :D).. but going back there was just…

    Like

  10. Kalpanaa Misra February 4, 2015 / 8:54 AM

    What a wonderfully evocative post. I felt every emotion with you.

    Like

  11. Soumya February 4, 2015 / 1:58 PM

    It happens to me too. I have confronted almost all bad memories of my life and come out stronger. But some still bring out the physical pain. I just sit and wait until it passes. Or until I find the guts and strength to accept it and let go.

    Like

  12. Sreesha Divakaran February 4, 2015 / 7:27 PM

    Yup, that's the confusing part that I thought I'd let it go. I started this blog partially to deal with my issues back then (I've deleted a lot of my posts from those days!) Going back there just brought everything back!

    Like

  13. Keirthana February 5, 2015 / 6:50 AM

    I have had this experience but it is associated with a person. There was this person in college who I thought to be my special friend but the truth came out blaring one fine day. Ever since even the memory of the person cause that kind of a pain which you cannot put a name on.

    Like

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