This was a difficult topic for me to explore. I know that once I post this, several people will disagree with me. It’s natural. Last week, a friend of mine who was in a bit of a dilemma approached me and asked me a question, “Can a person be in love with two different people at the same time?”
I knew what she was going through (sort of) and I knew what brought her to ask this question. She was thinking of the future. I needed some time to think about this. Idealists and moralists would tell you how wrong the question is and how you should not think of such treacherous things. But who wrote down ideals and morals? How do they know what is right? And isn’t there a difference between right and truth. Truth is what makes you free. In some cases, happy. But truth may not be what is right (here, I mean “right” in a moral sense). Pondering over my friend’s question put me in a bit of a tight spot. My friends have often asked me these kind of “righteously confusing” questions (because unless you’re a murderer or a rapist or a criminal of any sort, I try not to judge anyone; everyone has their reasons and I have no right to judge them). I normally do not answer them directly, but pose a question to them. If they can answer it, they can draw their own conclusions. But in this case, I could not think of a suitable question. But then, I remembered something. A couple of months ago, I had been re-reading Brida. I had been reading it to find some answers to some of my own questions (completely unrelated to my friend’s). But I recalled a chapter in the book where Brida asks the same question to her mother. “Can you love two people at the same time?” Her mother had answered in the affirmative, and gone to explain in a very beautiful way how she had met a stranger and she had a conversation with him. That day she knew she loved two people at the same time – the stranger and her husband.
So I told my friend that it is all about what you feel in that moment. If in a moment you love two people, then yes, it is possible. She was disappointed with my response. Perhaps, she wanted me to advice her or tell her what she was doing was wrong or whatever. She said, “No, you can’t be in love with two people at the same time.” I said you can. I explained to her it was all about the moment. I told her it was nothing to do with right and wrong. It is just about what you think in that moment. Once the moment passes, and you did not explore what you set to explore, you might regret it for the rest of your life. Better to regret what you did, than what you did not have the courage to try.
She did not accept my explanation. Finally I agreed to disagree. I did not base this solely on what I had read. But I truly believe that in a moment, it is possible. You do not have to think what comes after the moment. Because once the moment passes, you will choose what is right for you (re-iterating, there is a difference between what is “right” and what is “right for you“). Once the moment passes, you will choose and you will choose wisely. But during the moment, it is perfectly possible for you to be in love with two people at the same time.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, there will be many who will disagree with me. There will be more questions springing from my answer to this one. But that’s alright. We are seasoned to believe some things are right and some things are wrong and all of us are entitled to our opinions.
Meanwhile, here are some quotes from Brida that I really liked:
“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”
“Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle.”
“Choosing a path meant having to miss out on others.”
“Don’t bother trying to explain your emotions. Live everything as intensely as you can.”
And I Finished Reading Brida