My Virtual Suicide


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It’s a funny world. If you do not have a Facebook account, then you do not exist. Interestingly, however popular it may be, Facebook is a word that has not been accepted into the dictionary. Which is paradoxical (in my head), in the sense, you do not exist if you do not have an account on something that linguistically does not really exist. Confusing? Yeah, I wouldn’t bother to read that sentence twice either…

I created my Facebook account sometime early in 2007. It became really interesting after a while and but later became more-or-less trash. But an addictive kinda trash. Some guy invented these crude funny faces (I used to think it’s Allie B who maintains Hyperbole and a Half, but I guess I was wrong… the images she used to create are funnier and more colorful. The FB memes are from a guy-head) and these crude faces would state the most obvious things about our lives, like “I wake up with messed up hair” or “I brush my teeth left and right” or you know, you get the gist.  And it was funny. Vastly popular trash (have loved many of them myself).

Why am I straying from the subject? So, yeah, so what happened is, my sanity couldn’t handle Facebook anymore. I literally went mad. I would sit in the corner of a virtual wall and scream and scream and got the frustrating feeling that no one is listening. It was maddening. I was loud. And clear. And seriously IMMATURE. I said things that I shouldn’t have said. Directly, indirectly. But the fact remains that I embarrassed myself eventually. Which is saying a lot, cos nothing embarrasses me easily. In fact, it was not so much embarrassment as a realization that probably no one cares about me screaming (and here I go again, writing paragraphs. Oops!)

So, I went to my account, read every status line that I had put up, especially in the year 2010, cos that was the year I was really alive, like ALIVE. I read each and every comment that followed. And I felt happy. I was a better person then, though I say this myself. Echoing the words of a friend, back then, I walked and behaved as though the whole world belonged to me and I knew it. And it reflected in my status lines, cos that is the virtual reflection of our lives. Interestingly I knew things back then, which I do not know (or have forgotten) today. I was happier.

I couldn’t stand that I was not happy any more. Not sarcastic anymore. I began to hate myself  as I am today. How I have changed. I hated that I was screaming like an insane person in an asylum, and no one was willing to soothe me, or remove the chains around me. I did that which seemed reasonable.

I committed virtual suicide.

PS: I can be reborn anytime 😉 Hopefully new/improved!


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6 thoughts on “My Virtual Suicide

  1. im CRAzy NOt June 3, 2013 / 7:16 PM

    LOL, now that post was funny. thats right, no pity whatsoever :D, cos i think i might have read some of those FB posts. what was that all about ? ok, back to topic, this post had a “booky” kinda feel, self-deprecating and sarcastic, felt like a chapter from “memoirs of a mental woman” :D. dude, sarcasm is lost on most people, and you are cracking jokes about yourself while you are down and out ? i exaggerated that a little bit, didn't i ? but still, its a rare quality.. stop cutting yourself down for being immature..

    Like

  2. sreesha divakaran June 4, 2013 / 5:37 PM

    heyyyy its u!!! i had a hunch it was u who commented on the other depressing post, bt wsnt sure…

    its lik tis… whn ur depressed… u can either cry ur tears in front of th world, and be judged for it or u can laugh at urself and be judged for it. either ways, ur judged for it, bt in the latter case, ur makin someone else laugh as well… u knw, kinda lik th good-deed-of-the-day… 😉

    Like

  3. im CRAzy NOt June 22, 2013 / 3:40 PM

    depression is not to be taken lightly. find something to do that makes you happy, will ya.

    well i had to say something, its a compulsion. i can't stand looking at depressed people.

    especially you. you're bright, lady. don't waste all that sunshine by being cloudy.

    and about it being me commenting on your depressing posts, 2 of your blog posts actually, depressing all the same. used the same name, literally shouting my name.

    Like

  4. sreesha divakaran June 23, 2013 / 11:37 AM

    i know it isnt to be taken lightly, so i joke about it ;)… hence the self-mockery…

    its all complicated, man. there r things tht make me happy, bt theres alws somethin standin in th way… then there's writin, thts one way to cope wit it all… bt even writin has its drawbacks (read post titled “freedom of speech” if u wanna knw wht i mean)

    and i hadnt noticed the caps in ur user id the previous time… i did notice it for this post though 😉 LOL!

    Like

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