Growing Up :(

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” goes the tagline of some famous movie, whose name i cannot recall now. 

i clung to this quote religiously throughout my life (even when i was not aware of the quote’s existence) and took immense pride in my immaturity. In my mind, it was not so much immaturity, as it was an ability to have fun in the most innocent and yet reckless way possible – and that was as a child. most of my childhood was spent in the shadow of over-protective parents and a severely over-protective older brother. so when i moved out, found myself a job and started living on my own terms, i finally found the kind of freedom and independence i craved. it felt like being released from some strong familial shackles. it was my chance at childhood again – a normal, carefree one that children deserved.

but my joy was short-lived, for parents intervene when they do. whatever said and done, within a span of a year, i suddenly grew up. older by a year, but up by several! the years that i refused to let go of my childhood caught up to me, and suddenly i was expected to be responsible. out of the blue. it is one thing to grow up along with the years, but it is a different kind of fucked up when all the years are thrust on to you within a span of one single year. it is hard to cope. it is the emotional equivalent of 10th board exams, where the student is asked to study portions between 1st std and 10th std. and the difference is, at least the student has gone through the portions of the years at least once. this is more like, studying 10th through college for your 10th board. all right, i am just repeating myself, but hopefully the point is clear.

i am not complaining. i have a lot in the past, and i might do so in the future. but right now i am not complaining. ok, maybe a part of me is, but not the whole part. i find it difficult to cope. i need to vent out my frustration. i resent letting go of the innocence and the fun. i resent all the years pouncing on me with not so much as a warning or a “here we come!” i resent that i was forced into taking decisions i was in no way prepared to take. if (the mother of all cliches!) i could turn back time, i would be slightly more patient with decisions, and maybe resent life a lot less.

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