yeah don’t go so much by the title. there is no philosophical wisdom here. just a poor little girl screaming to be heard.
a lot of us, including me, have this selfish thought that everything beyond our own problems is irrelevant and insignificant. yeah you know that feeling. we know it, accept it, refuse to do anything about it, and yet don’t mind its presence.
i was quite content at my workplace (yeah well, usually… i mean, i’ve been to hell (college) and back, so…) then, just then, don’t know when or what or why, something went wrong. don’t ask me why, because what went wrong is what we will here-fore refer to as “the unknown”.
so it just happened on this particular wednesday. don’t know why the unknown chose me on a wednesday, because usually i like wednesdays in office. the piece and quiet is, well, not an everyday (read Monday-Tuesday) occurrence in the office. the unknown gripped me, and it sort of robbed me of all emotion. all but one – restlessness. restlessness so strong, so all-consuming, that i couldn’t think straight, couldn’t get anything done. i was angry at the unknown. but when you don’t know what you are angry at, there is not much you can do about it. i was lonely, with only the unknown for company. i was suffocated.
and yet, i did not know what caused this. or why. i screamed. no one heard. it was maddening. people seemed deaf. made me feel like a ghost, just floating through some parallel world interspersed with the living world.
it went on to the next day. it seemed to me as though the day blended into the night and the night into the day with no real demarcation between the two. there was no sense of time. it was like i slept and woke up in the same parallel world and at the same time, like a nightmarish jet lag. and there was no escape.
i don’t know now what to do. or who to speak to about this. i have never known anything like this before. i have never ever before in my life been so frustrated. and the worst part is, i don’t know what this is directed towards. am i really dead? is that why people cannot hear me scream? wish i knew…